I think the first time I realized something to this tune was during my move from Hamilton back to Oakville 3 years ago. I loved my apartment in Hamilton and since I had a car at the time it was pretty easy living (even if it was in Hamilton *shiver*). My mom, however, needed a roomate and my apartment wasn’t big enough for two so she asked me to move in with her (also in Hamilton). I really, really, really didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t. So she suggested we try and move back to Oakville – my knee-jerk reaction was this “Yes, please – there are Starbucks’ in Oakville!”. Now, obviously Oakville is way more suburban than Hamilton, but the point is that I crave and need a connection to wherever I live. I love Starbucks (sorry), and Oakville offered that. Toronto has way more Starbucks’ – so we’re already starting off in a good place.

One of my most favorite things in the world is grocery shopping. I think it’s the Chantelle Equivalent of shoe-shopping, or clothes-shopping for normal girls. Given the right environment, I could probably shop for two hours strait and enjoy myself. Another major reason I moved back to Oakville was for the Whole Foods. Shopping at No-Frills, or Food Basics, or even the slightly-better Fortinos is just not as pleasant an experience. For someone so profoundly invested in the experience of shopping, Whole Foods is right up my ally. I’m not vegan, or celiac, or on a raw-food diet, or even all that concerned about Organics – I just like the experience. In fact, when it comes to food itself I don’t have many strong opinions. Lactose-Free Milk (Soy or otherwise) is probably my only peculiar weekly item. That being said, if given the option, I will almost always choose to buy Local. It just makes sense to me. If it’s not an option, then I will gladly eat blueberries from Costa Rica, but I’ll never choose them over Ontario ones.

With that in mind, last week I signed up for a CSA Farm Delivery service. It’s a bi-weekly share of veggies & fruit from Fresh City Farms (from Toronto), and Monforte Cheese (from Stratford), and costs about $40 every two weeks. My first delivery was this Wednesday, and it was OK. The veggies were mostly top-knotch and don’t even get me started on the Cheese (Phenomenal), but I realized something important – it wasn’t about the food at all.

This isn’t a replacement for grocery shopping (also, why would I replace something I enjoy doing so much?), this isn’t for necessity, it’s for fun! Like going out to a restaurant, or what I love most about grocery shopping – it’s about the experience. Food in General (but more specifically Local-Sourced, Organic, Free-Trade Produce & Cheeses) is definitely my New Favorite Hobby. Like this guy says, it’s sort of a bit of an adventure. It’s the best possible replacement for my smoking habit, costs about the same and it actually super healthy for me.
(Behold the amazing salad I made from the Box – so good))

I know that this is something I could have done in Oakville (actually, not with this parciular company, but you get my drift), but I’ve equated it with a perk of living downtown – perhaps it’s because Fresh City’s main farm is at Downsview Park, I don’t know. I’ve already got my feet wet with the local restaurant scene in Toronto, I feel like I’m fairly up-to-date on the major goings-on on that front, now it’s time to get to know the next layer of the onion (har har – food joke!). Stay tuned!

Food

It was January 13th when I read my first review of Yours Truly, and have been nagging No-Twitter-Eddie to take me there ever since (I have the email chains to provde it, Jan 18th, Feb 9th, March 7th…). Finally March 8th he agreed, we’ll go on the 10th since we were making double-date plans with @JanelleAwesome and @RobHester, and they were game.

For some reason I was under the impression they didn’t take reservations, so I didn’t even try. Of course, the day before our dinner Toronto Life decides to name Yours Truly #1 in their top 10 New Restaurants. #FirstWorldProblems

We were extremly lucky, however, as there was space at the communal table, just as we arrived, and we enjoyed some really fantastic cuisine with some really fantastic company. I’m missing a few photos of the Amuse’s offered (Cauliflower Soup, Spinach Leaves), a couple ‘Snacks’, and was entirely too tispy on Asahi Blacks (YUM!) to remember to take a picture of desert, but here’s the rest of our plates [click pics to embiggen];

< The infamous “Truffle Falafel” which was the only dish delivered to the table without any description by the chefs, and a found me exclaiming “I know this, this is a trick!”. Eddie also found himself tricked, when he tried to eat the raw rice it was served on. Oh, sad.

>Salt Cod, described as “inari, kewpie, nori, rice” which literally could not sound more Japanese if they tried. I was extra proud of myself knowing that Kewpie is Mayonnaise (AH-HAHAHA HA). Looked great, but it wasn’t my dish so I have no idea how it tasted.

< I’ve learned something fairly recently about Trout. I love it. I think I my first experience at Colborne Lane, when I mistook it for Salmon. But more recently I ate The Whole Thing in Brooklyn. Third time is the most charmed and I enjoyed this offering the best, even if it wasn’t my favourite dish of the night.

> This was my favorite dish of the night. The duck. OMG! Words fail me. The Crispiest of Skins, the tenderest of meats! The onions, parsnips and elderberries matching perfectly! I rarely complain about portion size of food of this quality, but damn, I could have eaten 4 plates of this. One of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten, in my whole life.

After this lovely meal we stopped for a pint on Ossington, then headed to Second City for the new comedy show. Where I proceeded to literally drink my face off. I lost track of the end of the night, but I do remember loudly declaring that I bought a shirt (and it’s so long!), and having a bit of an emotional breakdown over wanting a cigarette once we got home. It was a very exciting night, and after dealing with the hangover-aftermath all Sunday I have come to a certain sort of revelation.

Booze

Not to bum everyone out, but I simply want to document my absolute concern over the fact that every now and then, I cannot mitigate my drinking and I’ve got a real binge problem. It’s not too often, maybe 2 or 3 times a year, but when it happens, it’s bad, and it hurts. A lot of people do the same, and can deal with it. Not me. The emotional aftermath of over-drinking is some of the worst depression I’ve felt in my whole life, and it’s absoluly avoidable. I’m a grown-ass woman, not some clubgoing 20-something. 90% of the time I can have just one or two drinks, but every now again again I just can’t stop. I need to be In Charge of myself, so I’m putting myself on a self-restricted 1-Drink Maximum for the time being. I cannot bear (nor do I believe it nessisary) to quit altogether (especially on Downton Thursdays), but I think this will help me be mindful, and avoid over-drinking as a whole.

Games

Maybe i’ll employ the same technique I did for quitting smoking, and turning my attention a lot more to games. I played an obscene amount of Guitar Hero on my iPhone in the first few days (weeks) of quitting smoking, and will continue that trend, although it’s going to cost me. I’ve been upgrading song packs, at $1.99 each this might hurt my budget. I nearly bought $20 worth of upgrades on Angry Birds on Facebook (they take Interac Online, it’s too easy!), next thing you know I’ll be the queen of Foxy Bingo.

Cars

Wanting to end this whole thing on a positive note: I passed my final driving test – finally! For anyone still paying attention who may have been around seven years ago when I last took (and failed) the test, this is a pretty big deal. No more driving tests, ever. Proof of my procrastination is that the whole Graduated Licence System can be completed in as little as 1yr 8months, if you take drivers ed which I did the year I first got my G1, in 2000. *pulls at collar* whaaaat?

So, I’m literally one step closer to winning the Driven To Quit Challange.
I’m ready for you, my new car named Peter Jackson.

The other two tales of my attempt to move to Toronto are wrought with failure and sadness.

In the summer of 2001 I moved to into a Bedroom/Bachelor (with Washroom) Parkdale for 1 month, bad idea since I was unemployed at the time. In the fall I tried again, near St. Clair/Dufferin in a rental Bedroom, got laid off and promptly moved back to Oakville with my mother. Not proud moments.

Here I am, 11 years later, fully employed and living with My Boyfriend in Yorkville.

I’m actually quite underwhelmed. Having spent 2-3 days a week in this apartment, in this neighborhood, in this city over the course of the last 1.7 years, I’m acclimatized. However, there are certainly a few wonderful perks that I’ve already enjoyed.

1) Eddie’s bed is officially The World’s Most Comfortable Bed. Officially.
2) I am less than 2 full city blocks from my B(Non-Ex-Wife)FF, Ahli.
3) I bought a TTC Metropass today for the first time, and am giddy at the theoretical Unlimited Subway/Streetcar Rides I shall take.
4) Food. Everywhere. I haven’t bought groceries yet, but need to go out of my way to do so since otherwise it’ll be a problematic situation. I simply cannot eat burgers and pizza all of the time simply because it’s available, everywhere.
5) Booze. Everywhere. Seriously, you’re always within a 10 minute walk to a Liquor or Beer store – it’s amazing. No more waiting 4hrs for Dial-a-Bottle.

Although it’s not all fun & games.

My commute to work right now is over 3hrs a day, although I’m hoping to slightly adjust my schedule to get it around 2.5hrs *fingers crossed*

Not living with Angelina is sad. In theory. We never really spent all that much time in the apartment at the same time anyways, but having her stuff around me felt like having her around me, and now that’s gone. Luckily we’ve got a weekly standing date, Changelina Thursdays – the first couple months will be spent getting her caught up on Downton Abbey – it’s going to be super-great.

So that’s what’s new with my living situation.

In other news, I have recently realized I love Dubstep and Dance Remixes. So, there’s that.

Today is Day 11 and I have to say that the last 2-3 days have been a lot easier than previous days. There are whole hoursthat pass during the day that I’m not thinking about cigarettes, and the cravings that come pass much quicker than before. While the first few days I was having 30+ minute panick attacks, it’s now less intense. The want to smoke has waned from “OMG I really WISH I COULD SMOKE RIGHT NOW” down to “Oh, this would be the perfect time for a cigarette, oh well.”

To keep me on track now, I try to think of all those times I’ve had a cigarette when I didn’t really want it (which, to be fair, were not that often) – how deflated and gross it felt, this has to me my ongoing perspective on the entire habit. I can’t glorify it and long for it any more, I really have to start to dislike (even detest) it. (Even if I’ll never stop liking the smell of it – I’ve never thought it was gross, and I doubt I ever will).

Eleven Days without a cigarette is the longest I’ve gone without smoking in ten years. I recently went on a hunt to find any documentation of the last time I quit (which apparently I did for no other good reason than I seemed to be bored of smoking) and found this entry from my LiveJournal in September 2002, which includes this quote: “… keep in mind that I’ve been smoking since 1994. That’s 8 years. And I’m only (almost) 21!” which made my heart sink deeply – that was nearly a decade ago and I thought Eight Years was a long time to have been a smoker!

Also, another mildly amusing fact from that entry is that my past philosphy on quitting is eerily similar to my current one: “Here’s my one step program, to help all you smokers out there quit. Its 100% effective if you follow it; Step #1: Don’t Smoke.” Sadly, the quitting only lasted until my birthday in November that year (I blame Tequila), and it’s been full-time since then.

But I am certain this this time it’s for good. I’m optimistic, especially after last night.

I’ve been certain that I will definitly remain smoke-free in March (as I am dead-set on winning the Driven To Quit car), but also being aware that getting to March was going to be the the hardest part. I honestly feared that if I were to slip-up it, I knew would be before the end of the month. I’ve not yet really come close to doing so. Untill last night, when I was packing I found these these;

Tools of the Devil!

I flicked the lighter a few times, only because I realized I hadn’t done so in a while. I held a cigarette in my fingers and thought, would it be worth it? Even just a puff? The tightness in my chest returned and I realized… I’ve got to distroy these, I don’t want them at all.

So, down they went.
(The lighters will be donated to my Mom)

So, while this entire episode may have brought on one of the most sustained anxiety attacks I’ve had in the last five days (which inspired me to distract myself by writing this entry), I’m feeling quite proud. I didn’t give in, and hope that I won’t have to make the same choice again anytime soon. If I do though, just follow the golden rule:

#1 Don’t Smoke.

It really is that simple,
but not necessarily that easy.

Firstly, it’s true when they say that you’ll never find the best time to quit – there’s always a reason why ‘this weekend was a bad choice to decide to quit’, be it stress, or social obligations or whatever. My first weekend as a non-smoker included a Party-Bus trip to Niagara Falls, wherein (this is absolutely true) 80-90% of the participants were smokers.

Luckily it was a non-smoking bus, and obviously in the casino, restaurant and nightclub we went to were all safe. Except that alcohol is a huge trigger for nicotine cravings, and having a few (near too many) cocktails definitely made the situation worse. Luckily with Eddie by my side, I made it through the trip. Besides, then I had an excuse to play Guitar-Hero on my iPhone while ignoring/surrounded by, a crowd of people – which is pretty much my ideal state of being. My favourite part of the weekend was the conversation I had with my Masseur at the spa in Niagara – he has smoked for 23+ years and quit 8 years ago – and everyone I told said the same thing, they were proud of me! (Mostly strangers, which was strange but still nice to hear.) The next day was easy-peasy as I’ve always hated smoking while hung-over. Hooray.

I’m noticing the main challenge I’m having is that every single craving feels like a full-blown Panic Attack. For the last 3-4 days I’ve been at a higher stage of anxiety and I’m getting all the physical symptoms of that, along side the withdrawal symptoms. I’m trying to use Distraction as best I can, because thinking about it even more is very perpetuating. Recognizing this situation has probably actually made it worse, but knowing that I am (probably) in the last few hours of the physical addiction does help.

*Fingers Crossed*

I really just need to make it till February 29th – I honestly feel like inspiration to Win This Car is going to be enough to keep me quit for all of March! I’m going to name my new Ford “Peter Jackson” after the esteemed director – and the brand of cigarettes I gave up to win her.

Now, I could have said “I’m quitting smoking today” but that implies an event that has not yet taken place. I’ve quit, it’s done. Today is Day 1.

I was very much debating waiting saying anything, to anyone (besides Angelina who got an earful this morning already) until after at least a few weeks. Better to share success then risk the embarrassment of failure in front of everyone, right? I guess, but since I plan to make this a permanent change, I don’t really see the point of keeping it a secret. If I mess up, so be it, it’ll be back to Quitting again – there’s no going back. Besides, I sort of like the idea of having an audience for this – will keep me motivated (I hope).

Why Now?

Fact of the matter is that I never intended to quit smoking in my whole life, everyone who knows me knows this. My bestest friends and family rarely brought up the topic of quitting because they knew I wouldn’t.

Until Eddie. Eddie is great because he still dates me even though I smoke, but he wants me to quit. This still wasn’t enough for me to do anything immediate about it. I’m moving in with him, and even then I didn’t plan on quitting. Eddie wants to keep the option open that one day I might bear his progeny, so I said “Fine, if we get Engaged, I’ll quit smoking.” I thought this was a great plan – I’ll get the motivation to quit (eventually), and the timeline will work out so I’m not poisoning the infant I’ll (theoretically) gestate. However, Eddie kept insisting that I quit, and at some point “If we get engaged, I’ll quit smoking” turned into “I’m not quitting smoking till we get engaged”, and that isn’t the same thing at all.

The Catalyst: I went to bed last night with no intention to quit today (tommorrow, next week or month..) but I got a message from a friend this morning, detailing the personal struggles he’s been going through with a very serious family illness, and blatantly asking me to quit smoking. Something CLICKED.

I didn’t quit before, because I was never going to quit. Now that I had an idea I would one day, for me to continue smoking ‘in the meantime’ is idiotic. There’s no reason for me to continue till “until we get engaged”, it’s spiteful and callous.

I started smoking regularly in about 1994, and my last cigarette was about 3am last night. I had it not knowing it was my last. I’ve thrown out the rest of the pack(s) I had, and there are no cigarettes in my house. I did, however, buy nicotine lozenges – which I intend to use to subside the cravings these first few days. I’m going to start exercising again – I know I’ll need the endorphins! I’m also very busy in the next few weeks packing and moving, so hopefully this will provide somewhat of a distraction. Angelina has convinced me to sign up for the Driven To Quit March Challenge (she’s been trying to get me to win that car for years).

I know that I’ll have cranky moments, and I’ll have withdrawl cravings, and it’s not going to be easy. Luckily, I have amazing Will Power, it’s nearly superhuman. I know I can do this – and I know I’ll have a lot of support from everyone. Thanks in advance.

Luckily, however, taking pictures of nearly every restaurant meal I ever have is a (slightly odd, but very satisfying) hobby of mine – so buried deep in my iPhone is probably photographic evidence of each. Perhaps one day I’ll unearth them to talk about it – but in the meantime, I’m going to try and make a more concentrated effort to share my meals more frequently.

I do not expect this to be a popular blog topic per se, but I’m certain I know of at least two people who will get a kick out of it.

So, to start, let’s cover this most recent weekend, which was filled with culinary delights, starting with Friday.

Eddie and I were sitting around his flat, pondering about what to do for dinner. I wanted fish, but didn’t want to cook – he suggested French – after some negotiating availability on OpenTable, I’d remembered a Tweet I’d RT’d about restaurants *not* taking part in Winterlicious – La Societe was listed, and is literally two blocks from the apartment. I booked right away. (Ah, the power of Social Media!)

We arrived a few minutes early and were seated at the (totally absolutely wonderful) bar. I got a Chambord/Vodka Sparkling Cocktail and Eddie got a Rose Shiraz (in the end, not a great choice for him). I’m pretty certain that they’d forgotten about us, as nearly half an hour later we had to ask if our table was ready… they seated us almost immediately.

The dining room is large, and has a fantastic ceiling feature of stained glass.

Eddie says they must have renovated like crazy, since the last time he was there it was a mid-range Chinese restaurant with bad lighting. Now, it’s cozy with its dark wood and plush booths.

To start I got, what can only be described as, The Best Mushroom Soup I Have Ever Eaten. Topped with Truffle Crème Fraîche – just delightful. It was smooth and potent, creamy and dangerously savoury. I could probably eat a bucket full of this soup, and it will most likely be the #1 reason for my future return to this restaurant. Kudos.

Eddie got Duck Confit [left], which looked and tasted heavenly. He said it was possibly the best duck he’d ever had (and he *loves* duck!).

I got the special of the day; Sea bream in Bacon Broth [right]. It hit the spot for my fish craving perfectly, although I don’t know if I would order it again.

I’m very interested in returning to try the items from the $36 3-Course Price Fixe Menu, which has The Soup listed, and other interesting fare.

Next up, a delightful Liberty Village brunch with Angelina on Saturday afternoon.

We were looking for somewhere to grab lunch before heading over to the Bridal Show (she is engaged, after all!) at the Ex, and I had hoped the we’d be able to try Liberty Belle, but apparently it’s shuttered. So, randomly I found The Brazen Head (which Angelina had been to before) – and was immediately drawn to it by the promise of $4 Caesars and a Brunch Menu.

The Caesar was delish, if a bit spicy – and we both agreed there was possibly Lemon it in (although this was deemed neither good nor bad). My Eggs Benny were… alright. They were standard and the homefries were crispy, and it was all very pleasant. I am profoundly jealous of Angelina’s dish: the Brazen Benedict, with its smoked salmon and potato pancakes, and salad. She won at Brunch.

Saturday evening was set aside specifically for our Annual Winterlicious Double-Date. Angelina had been trying to plan for the four of us to go to Mildred’s Temple Kitchen for some time (since she has a brilliant meal there last year), and she finally succeeded.

@BillyBobMac & @Anzi, @ChantelleJoy & No-Twitter-Eddie.

Since she’s written an entire review of the meal – I’ll simply link to it here – and you can read all about it, complete with tasty photos, I don’t really have anything to add.

I have just one last meal to share, which was lunch on Sunday.

Eddie and I spent the majority of the day wandering around the city looking for gifts for his soon-to-be-retired Father. By early afternoon was quite hungry, and had my brain SET on Raman (I actually specifically wanted Chinatown Ajisen), but Eddie didn’t like the sound of that – so we compromised and went to the new Urban Eatery at Eaton’s center.

I love this food court. Seriously, it’s the bees knees.

Eddie got some Vindaloo and I got a steaming bowl of Spicy Chili Beef Ramen from the Liberty Noodle. (Which, is funny since the Main Location is now closed???) It was very, VERY Good. Made me completely forget about Ajisen, and leave with a happy full belly.

So there you have it – my weekend food adventures. Now I’m hungry :(