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Quitter Update

20 February 2012

Who would think that the one thing to motivate me to update this blog more often (other than the Film Festival) would be quitting smoking. Although, I do have to say that I think it will be less frequent in the coming weeks.

Today is Day 11 and I have to say that the last 2-3 days have been a lot easier than previous days. There are whole hoursthat pass during the day that I’m not thinking about cigarettes, and the cravings that come pass much quicker than before. While the first few days I was having 30+ minute panick attacks, it’s now less intense. The want to smoke has waned from “OMG I really WISH I COULD SMOKE RIGHT NOW” down to “Oh, this would be the perfect time for a cigarette, oh well.”

To keep me on track now, I try to think of all those times I’ve had a cigarette when I didn’t really want it (which, to be fair, were not that often) – how deflated and gross it felt, this has to me my ongoing perspective on the entire habit. I can’t glorify it and long for it any more, I really have to start to dislike (even detest) it. (Even if I’ll never stop liking the smell of it – I’ve never thought it was gross, and I doubt I ever will).

Eleven Days without a cigarette is the longest I’ve gone without smoking in ten years. I recently went on a hunt to find any documentation of the last time I quit (which apparently I did for no other good reason than I seemed to be bored of smoking) and found this entry from my LiveJournal in September 2002, which includes this quote: “… keep in mind that I’ve been smoking since 1994. That’s 8 years. And I’m only (almost) 21!” which made my heart sink deeply – that was nearly a decade ago and I thought Eight Years was a long time to have been a smoker!

Also, another mildly amusing fact from that entry is that my past philosphy on quitting is eerily similar to my current one: “Here’s my one step program, to help all you smokers out there quit. Its 100% effective if you follow it; Step #1: Don’t Smoke.” Sadly, the quitting only lasted until my birthday in November that year (I blame Tequila), and it’s been full-time since then.

But I am certain this this time it’s for good. I’m optimistic, especially after last night.

I’ve been certain that I will definitly remain smoke-free in March (as I am dead-set on winning the Driven To Quit car), but also being aware that getting to March was going to be the the hardest part. I honestly feared that if I were to slip-up it, I knew would be before the end of the month. I’ve not yet really come close to doing so. Untill last night, when I was packing I found these these;


Tools of the Devil!

I flicked the lighter a few times, only because I realized I hadn’t done so in a while. I held a cigarette in my fingers and thought, would it be worth it? Even just a puff? The tightness in my chest returned and I realized… I’ve got to distroy these, I don’t want them at all.

So, down they went.
(The lighters will be donated to my Mom)

So, while this entire episode may have brought on one of the most sustained anxiety attacks I’ve had in the last five days (which inspired me to distract myself by writing this entry), I’m feeling quite proud. I didn’t give in, and hope that I won’t have to make the same choice again anytime soon. If I do though, just follow the golden rule:

#1 Don’t Smoke.

It really is that simple,
but not necessarily that easy.